flashback

Got a call last night from a "divorce buddy". Long story short I can't let anyone else be in pain without raking up my own. So I spent the night restless and woke upfeeling terrible. Hiding out in bed today and distracting myself with online stalking. Dear past loves and lovers, you live in my head and you bastards are messy!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

is ugly. I hate it. I am trying very hard to believe that everything happens for a reason. I am trying very hard not to be "that girl". I don't think I am succeeding.

Tonight I bake!!

If you make them they will come. Or at least they won't got to waste. Horrible very bad day today. I wanted to quit. Quit caring, quit my job, quit life. So I spent MONEY! That always cheers me up. I went on a cupcake/baking supply rampage. I charged thru the grocery store my cart ahead of me to mow down the aisle gawkers. OUT OF MY WAY lest you be mowed down was my battle cry. I randomly threw anything that caught my eye into the cart. I was out of there in less than thirty minutes (a personal best).
Tonight I bake and bake and bake watch Bones and bake some more!
I will be happy. I will make a mess. It will be grand.

broken

i can't seem to shake the feeling that i'm not like other people. the feeling of "different" is starting to make me uncomfortable.
there are times when i think it would be so much easier to shake the truth out of people but instead i am supposed to wheedle it out of them using lies and showing my teeth. playing nice and smiling. boo I wish everyone else became insects and had big can of raid.

The Little Prince

I don’t have the heart for reviewing this book. I can’t stomach the idea of unraveling its passages. I love this book. I’ve loved it since the first time I came across it in the fifth grade.
I do not seek to understand WHY I love these words. I imagined that I would. I was interested to hear what other people had to say about it but when the time came to read what others gleaned from these words soo dear to me. I cringed.
I can appreciate that other people will find something different than what I find but I can’t bring myself to pick these words apart to defend my view.
Like crushing a pearl to see what makes it shine.
“the loveliest and saddest landscape in the world” that phrase has haunted me. The image is one that I treasure. I plan on having that image tattooed onto my inner wrist in the future. I’ve been carrying that plan around since I first started getting tattoos. I’ve only put it off because I can’t convince myself that my left wrist is ready to carry and expose daily what I feel is a very personal glimpse into what I hold dear.

Hello Blog

NANOWRIMO 08 EPIC FAIL!
So I’ll know better next year. I have a beautiful idea for a short story so if anyone in power is reading this I DEMAND A CONTEST!
Oh to be the powers that be . . . ~le sigh~
I have been sick for the past week. I’m a miserable sick person. I am whiny and needy and contagious. FUN! Blech. I’ve decided to start a fan club. Yes it is for YOU!
I’m making signs that say things like “WE LOVE YOUR BEARD!” and I’m going to be collecting dues. Hopefully I will be a better Fan Club president than the one who shot Selena.

days

there are days when all i want to do is cry. when i just want to crawl into a hole and die. when i want to climb in bed pull the covers over my head and lie
to myself--it will all be fine . . . everything works out in the end . . . change can be your friend.

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note to self

I'm scared.