TA DA!

I <3> SKULLS! I really really do.

Best laid plans

I have my whole tonight and tomorrow planned out. After work I have to drive across town and pick up some craft stuff from Hobbs. Watch some TV then I will frost and decorate cupcakes, create chocolate ghosts and skulls, attempt to create and decorate gum paste skulls. Also plan on making rice krispie pumpkins.
The problem with imaginary friends is that they never help clean up.

If you bake them they will come!

Tonight I will bake cupcakes! Just for the hell of it. Planned on doing this yesterday but got sidetracked by the wonder that is TV and then by the joy of talking on the phone about the wonder that is TV.
I spend an inordinate amount of time on the telephone. I AM A PHONE PERSON!!
I enjoy talking over the phone. I can and do spend hours on the phone with people. I love to talk but I prefer phone conversations to face to face communication.
I'm still trying to figure out why.

Part of one of my phone discussions last night, "I have a lot of friends, people I know, but I don't have a lot of people I consider close friends."

I don't have a lot of friends. I want a lot of friends.

Out with the old

I have baggage. Lots and lots of baggage. It grounds me. It roots me. I need to be free. I need to downsize. I need to complete my wings.
Once my wings are finished I can fly away. Away, as far and as high as my dreams can carry me. I have to dump some of the baggage. Clean house. Dreams aren't that sturdy and wings get tired so I have be as light and free as possible. I need to clean house. I have to rid myself of my baggage and rip up my roots.

Take it like a man.

Last night at 10:45 pm I got a phone call. FYI very few people call me, even fewer call me after 9:00 pm. I scramble out of bed, forget my glasses and lurch toward the phone. I see one letter "D" I can't make out the rest of the name or the rest of the number but there are only two names programmed that start with D. I answer. Three hour conversation summed up in a few words, "MEN DON'T CRY!"
I bitch and moan about all the assholic men in and surrounding my life but the truth is the few times I have ever been confronted with a man crying I have been REPULSED!
So I have been evaluating my stance on crying men. As of today it is ok if a man cries AS LONG as it is for a justifiable reason. Examples of justifiable reasons: someone in your family just died, birth of a your first child (seriously it is only a miracle once after that is just a re-run), you lost a limb.

Lies

I claim to dislike lies and secrets but I like them. I like pretty lies, ugly lies, vile lies, white lies, BIG lies, tiny lies, useless lies, obvious lies. Lies make people more interesting. Lies make life more interesting.

Today is a new day!

Maybe if I say it with enough excitement I will fool myself into believing it.
I am changing, OK trying to change, but the forces of STRANGE are trying to stop me.

For the past two days as I leave my house on my way to work a strange white Suburban has been parked in my driveway. My poor little car has to sleep parked in the street.

Yesterday on my way to the scary parking garage a stranger started yelling at me from his car. He parked, rolled down his window and yelled at me. When I didn't answer he honked and revved his car. I continued to ignore his cruel taunts and threats and continued walking.

On my way home, I received an invitation to a barbecue from an old friend, I declined but agreed to help decorate. I got lost on the way. While I was trying to grasp the idea that I had somehow driven myself in the opposite direction of my intended destination the large truck behind me started honking. Cursing the root beer jellybellys in my car I looked into the rear view mirror. Lo and behold another old face from the semi recent past. We exchanged greeting while tying up traffic and drove our separate ways. At the BBQ I was greeted by several faces that I haven't seen in months. As I imagined the sun raining down in shades of brightly colored balloons, a cop asked me a question. I asked him to repeat himself, "Is this a Speedy Stop Picnic?", I had no idea what that meant. He was a cop so I did my best to answer, "I thought this was a picnic for the gays." I scampered away from the befuddled copper with the thought that the amount of balloons needed to carry me away would blot out the sky. I wanted to leave but could not find my keys. They had been mistakenly pocketed by a stranger who had earlier offered me colorful condoms and referred to them as "bubble gum".

Who do I want to be today?

I have a problem. Actually I have several problems but let us focus on one at a time.
I have another blog, I'm hiding from it. I'm not happy with my life as it is currently. So I've decided to change. I'm not changing to be someone better. I'm just changing for the sake of changing.
I've done this before. It worked for a few years. I think I'm ready to try again.
Change is painful. I hate change. I don't even like the word. There is a trigger phrase that has haunted me for most of my life, "Things change.". I hate that phrase. I hate that truth.
That phrase was uttered to me by two of the most influential men in my life and has become a personal mantra.
SO say it with me people! THINGS CHANGE!
I'm a thing and I'm changing.

humans are interesting

I don't write checks. I know that somewhere in the mess that is my extra room I still have checks, checks with my old address. I also have the matching license. I was recently informed that keeping my old license is a crime. Back to checks. Lately I have been in the possession of many checks for large amounts. I like to read the checks that make it through my grubby paws. I especially like to read the memo/note. Yesterday I read a check with a code for a note!! Matt 5:44
I had no clue what it could mean so I turned to my true friend Google. I was enlightened and proceeded to chortle with glee.
My new hobby will be writing checks and leaving similar clues.

I have a new wish.

Wish, hope, dream. I want you to come back. Come back whole, all in one piece. I'll try not to dwell too much. Since my direct focus seems to hurt more than help.
I'm not sure why I'm soo worried. You have done this before.
Anyway the point is that the next falling star I see I'm saving for YOU.
****edit****
I heard from your wife. Mostly this is just to say, that I want you to come back to THEM, whole.
And that I want you to be happy. Happy with yourself, your marriage, your beautiful daughter and your mirror image son. I want you to be happy with your life because in a selfish way I think one of us should be happy. Unselfishly I know you have a better chance.

About that Time

The plan is to hold out for another week. ONE MORE WEEK. I can't last longer than that. I have a few new tricks.

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Now playing: Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down
via FoxyTunes