broken

i can't seem to shake the feeling that i'm not like other people. the feeling of "different" is starting to make me uncomfortable.
there are times when i think it would be so much easier to shake the truth out of people but instead i am supposed to wheedle it out of them using lies and showing my teeth. playing nice and smiling. boo I wish everyone else became insects and had big can of raid.

The Little Prince

I don’t have the heart for reviewing this book. I can’t stomach the idea of unraveling its passages. I love this book. I’ve loved it since the first time I came across it in the fifth grade.
I do not seek to understand WHY I love these words. I imagined that I would. I was interested to hear what other people had to say about it but when the time came to read what others gleaned from these words soo dear to me. I cringed.
I can appreciate that other people will find something different than what I find but I can’t bring myself to pick these words apart to defend my view.
Like crushing a pearl to see what makes it shine.
“the loveliest and saddest landscape in the world” that phrase has haunted me. The image is one that I treasure. I plan on having that image tattooed onto my inner wrist in the future. I’ve been carrying that plan around since I first started getting tattoos. I’ve only put it off because I can’t convince myself that my left wrist is ready to carry and expose daily what I feel is a very personal glimpse into what I hold dear.

Hello Blog

NANOWRIMO 08 EPIC FAIL!
So I’ll know better next year. I have a beautiful idea for a short story so if anyone in power is reading this I DEMAND A CONTEST!
Oh to be the powers that be . . . ~le sigh~
I have been sick for the past week. I’m a miserable sick person. I am whiny and needy and contagious. FUN! Blech. I’ve decided to start a fan club. Yes it is for YOU!
I’m making signs that say things like “WE LOVE YOUR BEARD!” and I’m going to be collecting dues. Hopefully I will be a better Fan Club president than the one who shot Selena.

days

there are days when all i want to do is cry. when i just want to crawl into a hole and die. when i want to climb in bed pull the covers over my head and lie
to myself--it will all be fine . . . everything works out in the end . . . change can be your friend.

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note to self

I'm scared.

new stuff

I got a new phone! It is sooo pretty all shiny and red. With nifty little buttons and a fancy trackball. Neat time saving functions that I will never use.

Days Two and Three

Day Two

Not nearly as wonderful as Day One but the law of diminishing utility and all that.
I still feel pretty good. Popping pills is my new thing. For serious! I wonder if the rest of the world feels like this all the time? I could live like this. I could enjoy living like this. Maybe it is the weather and not the magic pills. I have been spending thirty minutes to an hour outside everyday, I think that helps too.


DAY THREE!

So I managed to go for a brisk walk this morning. I only showed up an hour late and ten years out of shape.
Courtesy of TimOi! I started the day with exercise and interesting conversation. Overall a good start to day 3.

The Black Brant was right!

Today is Day One.

And lets hear it for DRUGS! I’m not sure if this overall feeling of ALIVE is from the drugs but it must be.
I feel good. I feel great. I FEEL. My fingers seem faster. Colors seem brighter. Smells seem stronger and more noticeable. My eyes feel bigger. I can feel my eyes. That is definitely new. I never noticed the sensation of blinking before. This has to be the pills or maybe today is just a good day. I woke up and I felt like dancing. So I danced. There was a brisk chill to the wind so I wore a sweater and put a bow in my hair. There is a book waiting at Maranthana and a Library Book Sale this week. Maybe it isn’t the drugs maybe it is just a good day.